


Blessed silence

by bigfutjeril



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Angst, Depression, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Has Feelings, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Loves Jaskier | Dandelion, Hurt Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion Has Feelings, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, M/M, post-mountain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28674564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigfutjeril/pseuds/bigfutjeril
Summary: Jaskier and Geralt find their way back to each other.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 12
Kudos: 97





	Blessed silence

The noise finally settled, the exhausted bard felt like there was so much in him, all the feelings and regrets, it felt like he lived a thousand lives and yet he was entirely relaxed, no more sleeping on dirty muddy roads and sharing small beds. No more unseasoned food and wet clothes from the rain because they couldn't afford to sleep at the inn. Sure, they had some pleasant moments too, like when Geralt bought him new boots when he noticed his old ones were beginning to crack or when… 

Unfortunately for Jaskier, the peace didn't last very long. There was just so much love he felt for the man that inflicted him all this pain and yet he didn't know how to let go. The panic started to unravel and it was hard to breathe again and the bubbles started to form at the top of the water. 

With the last bit of strength he had left he struggled to push his upper body out of the bathtub. He rested his hands on the sides, squeezing them as hard as he could, trying not to weep again. It was a hard task for the bard since crying appeared to be the only thing he was capable of doing these past couple of days. The world ceased for what felt like eternity and Jaskier started to process all the memories, moments and thoughts he and the White Wolf shared during their two-decade journey. Was he just supposed to throw it all to waste? All the feelings felt like constant punches in the gut and he couldn't breathe. Jaskier felt so unbelievably lonely, exhausted, his head and chest were pounding because he knew everything he held dear to heart, everything he clung to for comfort was falling apart right before his very eyes.

He tried to get up but his hands and legs were trembling, his breathing and pulse picked up their pace. What he needed to do was calm himself down but just the thought of it seemed unimaginable. It felt like he went through more than enough phases of grief in just a few seconds. 

He looked at his hands and thighs that were covered in bruises and small cuts; the journey down the mountain wasn't easy. The man he was so adamant to follow wherever he went, no matter what it took, left him alone, without food or water. Jaskier never asked for much, he never wanted any of the Witcher's gratitude, didn't expect it, but being treated with respect would've been accepted with open arms. To be fair Jaskier believed Geralt would come back. Maybe not ask for forgiveness, no, he knew emotions were overwhelming for him so he wasn't about to ask for much, but he remained at the camp. Just waiting for his Witcher to return. Jaskier didn't know how much time he spent waiting but when he snapped out of it he realized everyone was already gone. Geralt probably just left without him and was waiting at the inn right? 

Now it had been days since he last saw him and he couldn't help but make up scenarios in his head. If he wanted to find him he could've done it effortlessly, since Geralt was usually the one tracking Jaskier down during their adventures. He left him all alone knowing well he might not endure the journey back. Sure, maybe he was being dramatic, but this time it felt like he had valid reasoning for it. 

In the heat of the moment, Jaskier slammed the sides of the tub with his hands and got out of the tub, dried off as fast as he could, got dressed and went to his room. With the last bit of strength, Jaskier managed to lie down and pull the covers over his freezing body. 

His belongings were scattered all over the floor, his lute was leaning on the wall and the torn red doublet he wore on the mountain was hurled aside on the bed. The room was cold, lonely, empty, he didn't even bother to light the candles. 

Finding darkness and silence soothing surprised Jaskier, but at the same time frightened him. After years on end listening to the Witcher breathe slowly as he rested next to him in their shared bed, it felt strange to be all alone again. The only sound Jaskier could hear was the wind whispering around the room and the rain hitting the rusty windows. It was foolish of him, waiting like that for Geralt to come into the room and talk about the annoying rain again and how the mud will make their travels more troublesome. Jaskier felt like he was dying; he had a headache from the endless crying, he knew that barely eating didn't help either but just the thought of walking downstairs made him feel fatigued. Staring out of the window seemed like a good idea now. He couldn't move, his arms and legs were protesting. 

Jaskier kept watching days go by through the window and he still didn't have any desire to move. He couldn't help but wonder, was it all a lie? Did he misinterpret every one of Geralt's grunts? Did he just imagine all the times he saw the Witcher's mouth twitch enough to make a smile? Maybe he meant every one of those nasty words, but being a lovesick fool he decided to dismiss them. Jaskier tried to despise him, he really did. He broke his damn heart, yet he still wished Geralt would return, apologize and they would set off together on another adventure. He could've been satisfied with staying by his side for all eternity as crazy as it sounded, tending to his wounds, washing his hair, aiding him with whatever he needed no matter what it was. He was willing to live with his aching heart as he watched Geralt abandon him for Yennefer again, but at least Geralt would always return, right? His heart was shattered now and he didn't know how to put the pieces back together. 

Those little demons he had in his head were never too far away, always creeping, reminding him of all the things he regretted and all the things he didn't do out of fear. Over the years he invented this persona to present to the world; sure, it was him, he didn't entirely alter his whole personality but he did twist it in just all the right ways so no one could notice how miserable he was. Traveling with Geralt of Rivia was truly the highlight of his life. At the start he had been so youthful, ignorant, and addicted to the adventures, he didn't pay even one bit of attention to what could have happened to him. Restoring the White Wolf's reputation took a lot of effort so he didn't have time to indulge those demons. Besides, Geralt helped with keeping them at bay. Occasionally, when it got too bad, Geralt would gently place his hand on Jaskier's shoulder and they would sit like that for as long as it took, neither of them moving. Now that he was all alone the thoughts started creeping back again, slowly flying around his head, plucking at all the right pieces, pushing all the right buttons. For God's sake, he gave that man the best years of his life and he was allowed to be mad about it. As cliche as it might sound he sorted his life into two categories, before and after Geralt of Rivia. Traveling with the mighty wolf changed his view of the world entirely; turns out not everyone is kind, even if they claim to be. Twenty years he was following that man around without a shadow of a doubt and this was what he got in return. 

Realizing he started to get irritated again Jaskier took a deep breath and tried to move. After what seemed like an hour Jaskier finally gathered enough strength to get out of bed. He was weak, sad and furious all at once but the tears just wouldn't come out. Slowly he moved toward the window. "I need to move on", it was barely audible but those were the first words he said in days.

Jaskier gathered all his things, leaving the red doublet on the bed and before closing the doors he looked back on more time out of habit to check if Geralt had gathered his belongings as well. Jaskier took a deep breath and questioning his words said "This will be fine." By now Geralt would've already warned him numerous times to watch his behavior and not die until they meet again. The difference was this time his and Geralt's paths were likely to never cross again. It was still raining but Jaskier had no intentions to go back inside. "Maybe I should get a horse?" He shook his head, "Great I'm talking to myself now." Jaskier had no idea where to go from here so he just let the road guide him. 

***

Geralt was in the middle of an already terrible road when it began to rain. "Fuck!", the witcher yelled as he kicked the rocks in front of him. "We need to find shelter, Roach." 

That turned out to be more complicated than he thought. The road and the woods around it appeared to be dying. Geralt must've walked around for at least two hours before he came across a small cave, large enough for him and Roach. It was drenched in rain so starting a fire wasn't a possibility, but at least they had something over their heads. 

He took a deep breath and started to massage his head, knowing what's about to come. Without having distractions the only thing that was ever occupying his mind these days was Jaskier. He leaned against the rocky wall and let the emotions devour him. The witcher couldn't help but wonder if the younger man survived the journey down the mountain. Everyone was always saying how brave he was, but if that were the case, he would've pursued Jaskier even though he feared what his reaction would be when he finally found him. He missed his bard so damn much, sure, he annoyed him at times, but there was nothing he wouldn't do to have it all back. Geralt couldn't help but wonder if Jaskier was his destiny too. Child of surprise, Yennefer, it all connected back to the bard. Then, maybe, if that were the case, Jaskier would come back to him. After all, you can't outrun destiny. The White Wolf wasn't used to having to deal with all these feelings, Geralt knew that eventually, he would have to deal with them, but not tonight he was too tired. 

The second the witcher closed his eyes he fell into a light sleep. He dreamt of warm brown hair, those blue eyes that held so much love in them and showed the lifetime of internal struggle that was yet to be put into words. Blue eyes that were prettier than summer's sky and a smile that could melt even the coldest of hearts. 

Suddenly he felt something touch his face, still half asleep and confused he muttered Jaskier's name until he realized it was Roach waking him up. Deciding to dismiss his dreams, Geralt gathered all his belongings and lead Roach out of the cave. 

The sky was clearing up and the road was fit for travel again. They went for the most promising forest trail which lead them to a clearing that was fit for a camp. "We should remain here for the night, the weather is unpredictable" But the horse was concentrated on the tasty grass and didn't seem to care about the witcher's words. "Let's go further and explore, I need more herbs." After wondering around for what seemed like eternity, they came across a flower field that reached the horizon. Old habits die hard, so Geralt turned around to instruct Jaskier not to wander off too far, but the bard wasn't there. He knew Jaskier was not going to be there but he was still disappointed. Feeling his chest start to ache, he whispered to himself " I need to move on…"

***

So the thing is, Jaskier was entirely over it, he no longer cared for the witcher. The bard knew he deserved some respect and he wasn't just about to crawl back to Geralt the second he saw him. No, he was going to, not only, ignore him but he was also going to start a new life. During the twenty-plus years of traveling with Geralt of Rivia, he gained the reputation of the "Witcher's bard". So, the first thing on the new life list was claiming back his name. Sadly, that would have to wait since the travels so far haven't been polite to the miserable bard. At first, when he left the inn, he was full of hope and ready for what life had to throw at him. Then life decided to make it difficult and it threw him a cold. At this point, Jaskier was starting to get irritated at all the mild inconveniences that life was giving him. 

Not long after, he decided life on the road was not for him, Geralt was right, of course. At some point he deliberated going back to Oxenfurt, becoming a traditional professor and starting to behave like an actual viscount, but the thought was instantly dismissed. From overwhelming sadness that sent him into spiraling depression, he got to the point of not caring. Well, Jaskier was just pretending not to care anymore, which to him was a perfectly healthy coping mechanism. 

The days were alright, he would play at the inn for free room and a meal, shamelessly flirt with every single woman and man that expressed any interest in him, most of the time he was too drunk to even know what he was doing. The nights were terrible, all he had now was cold bed and memories. Every second he spent alone in his room was unbearable for the heartbroken bard. He would flirt when he craved some company, but nothing ever came out of it because all he could think about was golden eyes and gray hair. 

Jaskier didn't cry as much anymore, he felt like he had no more tears left in him. Glaring at the ceiling, thinking about the same things over and over again was his new nighttime routine. No matter how much he tried to forget him, Geralt of Rivia was always occupying his thoughts. Jaskier liked to think he would shout at him, maybe even punch him, just so he could feel at least a tiny fraction of pain he's been feeling when they meet again, but the truth was, the bard adored his witcher too much to ever cause him intentional harm. 

He tried to silence his thoughts and go to sleep since tomorrow was the time to move on again. This time he had a plan where to go. When he was shopping, Jaskier overheard that not far from the village he was staying in, there was a vast field of flowers. He was looking for new inspiration so he couldn't wait to leave. Jaskier wished he could take Geralt there too, he knew the witcher admired flowers, he could see it in his eyes when he collected them for potions and medicine. Just this once, Jaskier allowed himself to think about the White Wolf as he fell asleep. 

The day seemed promising, it rained the night before but that didn't stop the bard from going where he had intended to. By the time he got to the flower fields, he was exhausted and ready to settle down and compose the next greatest ballad of all time. Jaskier hummed to himself as he was searching for the perfect spot, but for reasons unknown he felt anxious, like something was about to happen, he couldn't shake off the unfamiliar feeling but he refused to let it ruin his mood, "This will be a good day, it needs to be a good day." The bard kept comforting himself as he continued his search.

***

The vibrant flowers coated the bright green grass. The wind made various colors of the flowers dance around Geralt, he heard a soft sound of busy bees and rustling of the leaves. The sweet scent of nature filled the air and Geralt embraced it. 

He got down on his knees and brushed his hands against the delicate petals. Geralt always appreciated flowers, loving them is strong enough of a word, but he always considered them to be a work of art and also they were useful for medicine. There is just something about their beauty that made Geralt feel warm inside, besides, without them, the world would be in terrible shape, more than it already is. "Try not to step on the flowers Roach I need them for the potions". 

Geralt proceeded to pick flowers. White Wolf would never admit it out loud but he missed Jaskier. There once was a time when talking to Roach was enough for him, but since Jaskier managed to sneak into his life, he hasn't known peace, but in a good and confusing kind of way. The first time he laid his eyes on the younger man, something inside him changed. Getting used to the company and continuous rambling from the bard was difficult but he didn't mind it. The silence was defeating, it made him paranoid. The first time the White Wolf and the bard parted their ways Geralt woke up in the middle of the night, alarmed, because he couldn't hear soft breaths and snores coming from the sleeping bag next to his, only to discover he was alone again. He shook his head trying not to fall victim to those thoughts again. 

After gathering all the herbs and placing them in the bags he and Roach began to head back to the camp. "We could take a long way back through the fields", he climbed his mighty horse and followed the trail of flowers. 

Right as they were about to enter the forest Geralt heard quiet movements not far from where they were. He got off the horse and started walking back towards the flower fields. Geralt started holding back his breath, not knowing why, his shoulders stiffed, and he kept clenching his jaw. He froze, the scent hit him in his gut stronger than any monster ever could. There it was, the scent he didn't smell in days maybe weeks, chamomile and lavender, with the faint odor of sweet cherry wine mixed with parchment and ink. Except, this time he smelled fear too. Geralt was stuck, he wanted to flee, turn around and never look back. The White Wolf felt like he was glued to the ground. His heart was beating unusually fast for a witcher, even his palm was sweating. " Fuck", muttered the mighty witcher in all his glory, as he was standing unmoving because of a man. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!", he finally gained the ability to move again, and as he was about to turn and run when he heard a quiet voice call behind him "...Ge...Geralt?". He turned around as hastily as he wanted to flee. Then their eyes met. After all this time Jaskier still made him feel butterflies in his stomach, his shoulders tensed and he opened his mouth but no words came out. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to say anything, he didn't know if Jaskier wanted to hear anything from him ever again. They stood there, staring at each other, for God knows how long, when Roach interrupted their staring contest by nudging Geralt's shoulder. They started walking towards each other, with cautious and slow steps, not sure what either of them was going to do. Being so concentrated on his own beating heart he didn't notice Jaskier's. It was beating so fast, it might just out of his chest. At least he no longer smelled fear on him. The younger man didn't look like himself anymore, his hair was uncharacteristically messy and dirty, his eye bags were larger than ever and he looked like he lost a couple of pounds too. There was no more light shining out of him, there was only sadness and exhaustion, and Geralt knew, it was all his fault. 

They got even closer to each other and with each step, the tension grew bigger. Finally, they were so close to each other, just within arm's reach, and they stayed quiet. Jaskier's eyes were darting all over the place, he opened his mouth a few times like he wanted to say something but no words came out. Suddenly, Geralt was overcome with feelings of tenderness and yearning. All he wanted to do was take the young man's face in his hands and place a thousand kisses all over it. The witcher held back his impulses, he had no right to do so, instead, he did something he was sure he would regret even more. The White Wolf, Butcher of Blaviken, the mighty witcher Geralt of Rivia fell on his knees. He looked up to see Jaskier's shocked face, it was too late to go back now. "Oh, Geralt", Jaskier said softly and raised his hand to touch the White Wolf's face, but Geralt gently grabbed both of his hands and finally gained the courage to speak. "Forgive me, fuck, forgive me Jaskier. I didn't mean it, I swear I didn't mean a word I said. You mean so much to me, it wasn't your fault, I was just… I… I didn't… I couldn't…", breathing was hard and holding back his tears ever harder. Jaskier was about to say something when Geralt started talking again, "I let my rage get the best of me, I am sorry I didn't try to stop you from leaving, I am sorry for not treating you like my equal, I am sorry for not admitting we were friends sooner, I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm…", Jaskier freed his arms from the witcher's grip and gently placed his finger on Geralt's lips. He looked at him for few seconds studying his face before he gently pressed his hand on it. "My dear witcher…", Jaskier took a pause before he too, got down on his knees, "I forgive you." They looked at each other again, both of them were teary-eyed but too tired to care. Jaskier smiled softly at him before caressing his cheek and he pressed a gentle kiss on Geralt's forehead. Unable to hold back his happiness the witcher let out a breath he was holding and quietly laughed. "Wanna go back to the camp? I got food." Geralt stood up and continued to walk back to the forest trail as fast as he could so Jaskier couldn't notice the huge smile on his face. The bard pursed his lips, placed his hands on his hips, and theatrically said, "I don't know, I've got some plans and all that…" Geralt snorted and said "Fuck you bard." Without thinking over his words Jaskier mumbled to his chin," Mhm yeah bet you'd like that." 

Geralt most definitely heard what the younger man said but to spare both of them from the awkwardness he decided to not say a word. Jaskier found that amusing and just giggled. Geralt thought to himself how much he missed that sound, but this was one of those thoughts he was never going to share with anyone. 

The walk back to the camp was peaceful. Not much time passed until Jaskier started playing his lute and humming some new song he was composing. Everything was finally the way it's supposed to be again. "So where are we going next?" Jaskier asked between the humming. "How does the coast sound to you?" Geralt asked carefully. Jaskier was thrown off by those words, he stopped walking and playing his lute. "That sounds perfect." 

***

Turns out getting used to each other's company, again, wasn't as easy as they hoped it would be. As much as both of them looked forward to traveling together again, things were awkward. Jaskier was still bitter at times and Geralt still occasionally shifted the blame back on the poor bard. 

They decided to take a long way to the coast so they could work on bettering themselves. Slowly things were getting back into their place. Jaskier was forgiving Geralt, and the witcher started to take full responsibility for his actions. 

One night as they were under the open sky, staring at the stars, the bard said, "They were all for you, all the songs." Geralt shifted his position to look at the bard, "I know." Jaskier took a deep breath, bracing himself for what was coming next, "No you don't understand, they were for you, all of them Geralt. For you." He sat up and brought his knees to his chest and hugged them. The Witcher mimicked his movement and sat next to the bard. Maybe this was the right time to start acknowledging his feelings for the bard he had been hiding for more than a decade. This might be the chance where he gets what he always wanted. A mundane life, with no monster guts and blood. Just a calm life with a person he loves the most in the world. These were very uncharacteristic thoughts for a Witcher, they don't retire, they slow down and die. Geralt couldn't help but long for all these things. He wanted to wake up next to Jaskier every morning, kiss his forehead, and pull him closer in their shared bed. They could build a little house at the coast, just for them, it would be their forever home. Before the thoughts managed to eat him whole he decided to take a leap of faith, Geralt slowly put his hand on Jaskier's knee and said, "I know. I… I feel the same." The younger man couldn't help but smile, he stared back at his Witcher, full of tenderness. He was speechless, which means he didn't misinterpret anything, he was right, Geralt did love him. "Good." Said the bard unable to hold back his smile and lied back down to gaze at the stars. "Good." The Witcher repeated after him and lied down too. He got closer to Jaskier and wrapped his arms around him and stared at his face, trying to consume every bit of him. "We are stargazing Geralt, don't look at me." The White Wolf snorted and said, "Don't tell me what to do bard." Jaskier chuckled and said, "Alright have it your way, you brute." 

That same night they shared their first kiss under the moonlight, as they lied down, embracing each other. 

***

They were two days' ride away from their destination. Geralt noticed that Jaskier has been acting weird for the last couple of days, but he didn't know how to bring it up. He was planning to let it go, but when the bard stopped talking altogether, the witcher decided he needed to do something about it. 

"You know you can talk to me if something is wrong." Geralt moved uncomfortably, unsure where this conversation will take them. Jaskier was quiet for a few minutes, not knowing how to express what was on his mind. "I am getting old Geralt." The Witcher didn't know what to say yet, so he just listened. "You know I won't be here forever. You should've stayed with Yennefer, gone to find your child of surprise. I am just wasting both of our time." Geralt saw tears starting forming in Jaskier's eyes and something in him broke into million pieces. He didn't like to see his love hurt. "I love you, I don't care about anything else. We won't talk about this now, we will have so much time left Jask." Geralt approached him and took his hand. "Come on now, the coast is waiting." 

That answer seemed to satisfy the bard so he leaned on the witcher and began to follow his footsteps.

***

The rest of the way was peaceful. They made it to the coast and began working on their forever home right away. It was small, but perfect for them. Both of them put so much love into it and it truly felt like home. 

Jaskier would often fall victim to the demons plaguing his mind, but this time, again, Geralt was there to help keep them at bay. Slowly they fell into a routine. As Jaskier cooked, Geralt would explore the place and bring his bard flowers every night. 

Some time passed and winter was nearing so they decided to spend the winters at Kaer Morhen. That was the first year Jaskier met Geralt's family. The younger man was nervous to meet them for the first time, but the witcher reassured him with "My family is your family, my love." Of course, everyone loved him right away, especially Lambert and no one knew why. Many good songs came out of Kaer Morhen that year and they promised to come back every year. 

Yennefer would occasionally send them letters, but she would reject invitations for a visit, the sorceress said she is not sure her visit would end well for Geralt, so they decided not to test her claims. 

Every once in a while they would go on short adventures, Geralt would pick up a contract, just for old times sake. But in the end, they would always come back home. 

***

Making their perfect home took a long time, but when it was finally done they spent the rest of the day and night admiring their work and drinking for the happy years to come. At some point, Jaskier finally got a horse so even Roach wasn't lonely anymore. In the end, both of them got what they wanted. It wasn't fame, or perfect reputation, not money. It was love. And they have a lifetime left to give it to each other.


End file.
